


Live a Lie

by chamel



Series: You Left Me Under Your Spell: A Collection of CaraDin Short Stories [4]
Category: The Mandalorian (TV)
Genre: Angst, Choices, F/M, Falling In Love, Feelings, Feelings Realization, Flash Fic, Lies, Mandalorian Culture, Short One Shot, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-22 22:07:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23434459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chamel/pseuds/chamel
Summary: Din struggles with balancing the life he's always known with the one he never knew he wanted.
Relationships: Cara Dune/The Mandalorian (The Mandalorian TV)
Series: You Left Me Under Your Spell: A Collection of CaraDin Short Stories [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1680589
Comments: 9
Kudos: 70





	Live a Lie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lady_Vibeke](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Vibeke/gifts).



> What's this? A fic not on Sunday??
> 
> This one's for Lady_Vibeke, who inspired me to whip out a fic in this format. I don't think mine is quite as beautiful as hers are, but I tried. ;)
> 
> Title/Lyrics from "Live a Lie" by the Raconteurs.

_I wanna see you say it to my face_  
_Come on man now cut to the chase_  
_Tell me it doesn't thrill you too_  
_I just wanna lie with you_  
_I just wanna live a lie with you_

They’re on a job when it hits him.

Smacks him.

The feeling practically knocks the breath out of him, and he’s lucky that they’re not in the middle of a shootout.

He realizes belatedly that this feeling didn’t show up out of nowhere.

It’s been more insidious than that, sneaking around and curling its tendrils around his heart for weeks now.

She’s not doing anything special to trigger this realization.

She looks at him with a smile that makes her dimples stand out. Bites her lower lip in that way that would make anyone’s stomach over.

He is powerless.

He’s pretty sure she knows this.

Later that evening on the ship, her hand lingers a little longer on his than is strictly necessary.

She smirks at him like she knows exactly what’s going through his head at the moment.

She doesn’t, though.

He’s pretty sure she’d be scandalized if she did.

She makes him want to live a lie.

This helmet feels like a prison in a way in never has before.

He finds himself wondering what it would feel like to look into another person’s eyes again. To look into _her_ eyes.

Would it feel like a betrayal of everything he is?

Or would it feel more right than anything he’s ever known?

* * *

When he does take his helmet off for her, it’s in the dark.

Deep down, he feels like a coward. Who needs to skulk around in the dark other than cowards and thieves?

The blackness is so complete that he can’t see an inch in front of his face.

He begins to believe he can see her face in front of his, but he’s imagining things.

Wishing things that could never be true.

The benefit is that the darkness heightens his other senses. Every stroke of her fingertips across his cheek is electric.

“You sure about this?” she whispers, her breath caressing his face.

He’s never been so sure of anything in his life.

One of them closes the gap between them; who it was will forever be a point of contention.

He wants to believe it was him, that he had the courage to take that leap.

He knows it was her.

_I love you_ , he wants to say when they come up for air.

But not in the dark.  
  
Not that.

* * *

He wishes she would ask it of him. He wants the excuse.

She would never ask, though. This, he knows unfailingly.

It doesn’t matter, though.

She may not care, but _he does_.

He’s living a lie no matter what.

He hears his father’s voice in his head.

_You can never put it back on_.

It had seemed so simple, so black and white.

Where had all these shades of gray been?

He’d once seen a man exiled from the tribe, years ago.

“I have lost the Way,” was all he had said.

As a child, he hadn’t understood why. He did now.

He understood how it was possible to love someone so much that keeping any part of yourself from them felt like the graver sin.

* * *

One day they meet another Mandalorian.

This in and of itself isn’t unusual. The Mandalorian is, though.

She reminds him of a wild animal that some misguided soul tried to tame. Like a peko-peko bridled in Mandalorian armor.

And yet, the bridle had always been hers.

She was born into it, as he had not been.

She challenges his definition of a “lie.”

Challenges his interpretation of the Way.

He doesn’t think she really intends to do this, but it happens anyway.

When they part ways, he feels like something has changed.

Some of her wildness has rubbed off on him.

Deep within him, an idea is slowly blossoming, petals unfurling one by one every time he looks at the woman he loves.

The idea that being true to himself doesn’t have to come at such a dear price.

Maybe he doesn’t have to live a lie after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Lol Sabine managed to sneak her way into this one too. Idk I just feel like she has a lot of good advice to give our boy.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this, and would love to hear what you think. Comments absolutely make my day and put a smile on my face.


End file.
